The phrase: "Everyday I'm hustlin'" comes to mind.

Premise Guy: You have a blog The Budget College Cook. How did you get into blogging about cooking, and haven’t you been out of college for a while now?

Rabbit Killer: well, I got into blogging because I was in college and was bored, classes weren’t all that challenging. And I live in San Francisco EVERYONE has a blog out here. So I figured why not? And I’ve only been out of college for a year now. I originally dropped out of college when I was 21, but reenrolled when I was 24.

Premise Guy: Ahhhh, I see.

Rabbit Killer: It took me an additional 4 years to get my degree because I switched from violin performance to finance – disparate majors so no classes transferred.

Premise Guy: Sounds like a major life crisis/realization. What’s it like to completely switch directions like that?

Rabbit Killer: Not as bad as you’d think. I quit music for multiple reasons: I kinda wanted to stick it to my parents, I was worried about my financial future if I stuck with music, and I just didn’t want to do it anymore. The endless practicing and all of that kinda got to me. But between studying music and finance, I spent 2 years working in a restaurant in Chicago. I love food and talking about food so those years were great. It certainly didn’t hurt that I was living with 4 20-something college students and we partied ALOT. When I reenrolled, I did the practical thing and decided to major in something which would lead to a job.

Premise Guy: Kind of like the movie Waiting…or a little more classy?

Rabbit Killer did not have to do this.

Rabbit Killer: hahahaha. No, my waiting job was classy – I served a lot of rich white folks. One woman had the gall to straight ask me, “So what are you really…a student or an artist?” That kinda pissed me off.

Premise Guy: Haha. But you were in familiar company, right? Fellow idlers, people “waiting” for the next thing, etc.?

Rabbit Killer: Half and half, I worked with a number of career waiters. They were interesting people with interesting stories. One was highly educated: University of Chicago and Yale. But he loved waiting on people, so that’s what he did even though he could’ve done lots of other things with his life.

But there were other people in my boat: a few students and a few just out of school. But all of us loved food – that was the common denominator.

Premise Guy: So did you eat better then-as a waiter-or now, as a finance whiz?

Rabbit Killer: Then, easily. Let me tell you something: when you work in the upscale restaurant industry and you go to a sister restaurant, they’re gonna take care of you. In a BIG way. So I would show up at a place like Charlie Trotters and, instead of the regular 7 course menu, I would have 15 courses and wine to match.

Premise Guy: God lordie.

Rabbit Killer: It’s just an industry thing…we take care of our own. And I also ate out a lot more back then for a number of reasons. Mostly I didn’t care about saving money…spend, spend, spend was my mantra. I considered it research to eat out, you know, see what other restaurants are doing and how they provide great service. I even tried to figure out if i could use it as a tax writeoff!

Premise Guy: haha

Rabbit Killer: Some of the meals I ate were insane. Absolutely nuts. I collect menus and it’s crazy to go through them and relive some of these meals.

Premise Guy: Most extravagant dish?

Rabbit Killer: Mmmm, you could really go a lot of directions with that. By extravagant, we could look at a dish with the most “luxury” ingredients (think caviar, lobster, foie gras etc.) or we could look at it from a perspective of man hours worked to create the dish. Maybe we could look at a dish with the rarest ingredients? I’m sure there are a few angles I’m not remembering but I had a hell of a foie gras dish at Trio when Achatz was cooking there. Same meal, I had an incredible fish dish…one of my all time favorites: Arctic Char with grapefruit cells, black truffles and endive marmalade.Frigging fantastic. I’ve also had some pretty pristine fish and caviar dishes at Manresa in the South Bay…sigh, I could talk about food all day long.

Premise Guy: Obv.

Rabbit Killer:: But I do consider myself lucky in that I’m 29 but have already switched careers a few times…it’s been fun.

Premise Guy: So this latest career is finance?

Rabbit Killer: yah, corp finance. I’m not a balla I-Banker. I guess I was pretty thrilled to get a job right out of college, but turns out it’s not for me. It’s not a good fit in that I find the work that I do pretty pointless. I don’t give a shit if I sign off on a form or any of that sorta stuff. At the end of the day, it’s much more important for me to know that I’ve touched someone – that’s NOT meant sexually, lol.

Premise Guy: What do you despise the most?

Rabbit Killer: hmm, probably the feeling at the end of the day when I look back at what I’ve done and realize that none of it really matters to me and knowing that I’ll be doing the same thing tomorrow.

Premise Guy: Ha. Been there. How do you get through the day? Is it at least busy like I-banking or are you forced to fantasize about foi-gras for hours on end?

Rabbit Killer: oh god no…i hope my bosses don’t ever read this…but I literally work about 2 hours per day and I manage to get all of my shit done. Whenever they ask me about my workload, I just say, yah, it’s about right. I read alot about food all day…assorted blogs, food forums etc. I also love the freakonomics blog on NYTImes.com. It’s the internet…there’s ALWAYS something to read or do.

Premise Guy: God bless those tubes.

Rabbit Killer: srsly!1

Premise Guy: So, the obvious question then: When are you getting back in the food service industry?

Rabbit Killer: No idea.

I don’t really know if I wanna get back into waiting, per se. The backwards lifestyle and all of that sorta takes its toll I would love to find a niche as a food educator/teacher. I like working with people and teaching (teaching the violin was one of my favorite parts of beingg a musician). So maybe I’ll find something where I get to teach noobs how to cook…I would LOVE a job like that.

Premise Guy: Culinary schools could definitely use your experience. And with your experiencing blogging about food…how many hits do you get on that anyway?

Rabbit Killer: back when I was posting I would get around 40-50 hits per day…I had some huge spikes.

Premise Guy: So why give it up?

Rabbit Killer: I’ve not given it up entirely. I just don’t want to take the time to put up posts and all of that but I’m seriously thinking about starting it up again. I like sharing and getting comments from my readers…even if they ARE full of vitriol. Such as when I posted my video post on how to break down a rabbit carcass.

Premise Guy: Wait…what?

Rabbit Killer: hmmm?

Premise Guy: Like, PETA attacked you on your blog?

Rabbit Killer: no, just random people calling me a murderer

Premise Guy: haha

Rabbit Killer: I told them that the damn rabbit was already dead! I just happened to take him home from the butcher. I think I did a pretty good job of researching rabbits and learning about them and teaching people about them. It was the first time I’ve ever worked with a rabbit.

Premise Guy: I don’t remember seeing the comments…

Rabbit Killer: “because that asshole is distrubed”

Premise Guy: “aaa!!!!!!you eat the cute bunny!!!!you killler!!!!!blhaa ” bahaha!

Rabbit Killer: you’re sick. Why the fuck do you think this is funny?

Premise Guy: Haha. Ok, one last thing: Being from Alaska, is their a food you associate with it or really love? Crab legs, elk, polar bear etc.?

Rabbit Killer: love that seal blubber, can’t get enough of that shit. Seriously, I love king crab legs, can’t get enough of those things. And freshly caught wild salmon filets are magical. We used to go fishing down in Valdez and Mom would gut and scale the fish right on teh ocean’s edge and then wrap teh fish in tin foil pouches with salt and pepper, garlic and a bit of lemon. Throw it next to the campfire and 5-7 minutes later: incredible. That’s probably one of the greatest food memories I have…that incredible intersection of perfect food and perfect place. The kind of food I wouldn’t mind eating for the rest of my life.

nomnomnomnom

Premise Guy: You should really get blogging about food again.

Be sure to check  out the The Budget College Cook

Probably thinking about chocolate chip cookies, sex, and the Punisher.

Peter: yes

GinDrunk: Ready?

Peter: shoot

GinDrunk: Being that we’re all friends here, would you be comfortable talking about your experiences with the Rage?

Peter: yes

my rage is a part of my mystique

to deny it is to deny an essential quality of myself

also, denial means I will wind up in jail due to inappropriate acts of rage

I was almost ejected from a Samsung store due to my rage

GinDrunk: Samsung store.

What could enrage you in a Samsung store?

Peter: It’s one of those demonstration only “stores”

with free internet

I was trying to hopstop

but the floor model was not connecting to the internet properly

no web addresses would type up when I used the keyboard

after about 3 minutes of trying I growled at the computer

and slammed my hands on the keyboard

a gentleman who worked there came by

he worked there

said that I couldn’t do that

and I would be asked to leave if I kept it up

then he helped with another computer

making sure that it actually worked

telling my girlfriend this story prompted her to say

WOW, you do have a temper

GinDrunk: Did you say anything to the nice man that worked there?

Peter: I apologized and said I couldn’t get the device to work

denial would have caused me to withhold an apology

GinDrunk: What did you want to say?

Peter: I wanted to put my fist through the machine

I had comics to buy

I had a date later

I needed directions and I needed them quickly

GinDrunk: So, has this Rage always been with you? What’s your earliest memory of experiencing it?

Peter: I once attacked a little league coach I had

I must have been like 6 or 7

we were playing basketball at his house

the entire team

it was fun

but then I got to throw the ball

I couldn’t pick who to throw it to

after

30 seconds

he took it from me

and checked it at random

I snapped

I was crying

and pounding at him

with little fists

I got a time out

GinDrunk: Where could a little boy possibly get such anger?

Genetics?

Peter: it’s definitely in the blood

my birth has a terrible temper

my grand father on my father’s side has a bad temper

and his father, my great grand father, was the same way

angry

yelling at the drop of a hat

the occasional throwing of things

my birth mother threw shoes and toothbrushes all the time when I was a boy

as part of “arguments”

it’s probably why I always make a point of discussing things with my paramours in a very monotone voice usually

I hate to be that hothead that goes off on his lady friend

GinDrunk: Sounds wise.

Given your familial history and predilections, have you ever considered…anger management?

Peter: I tried it once when I could get therapy for free in college

acknowledging was the biggest thing

once I saw it

it was easier to keep it under control

and away from people

now

situations

like

bad computers, administrative errors,

the weather

those I let go and just rage at

directing it

like how Batman directs his bad feeling at crime

GinDrunk: How does one direct one’s anger at the weather?

Peter: I yell at it

oh

and bad drivers

I yell at them all the time

a few weeks ago

I was walking friends to catch a train

we jaywalked across the turnpike 20 feet from my family’s home

a six lane road that my father would not let me cross alone till I was in highschool

I jaywalk it everyday now

as we were crossing

one car was coming down the road at us

he had to slow down

for about 30 seconds at most

to let us across

but he let us know that he was pissed that he had to do it

so

as he drove away

I danced in the middle of the street flipping him off with both hands

then he stopped and asked me angrily if I was twelve

I went right up to him and asked if he had somewhere more important to be

he said something

then I asked if he had an appointment down the road

he was blocking off two lanes of a busy three land road at this point by the way

some one else comes out because

they thought this guy had a break down

then the driver just went along

I think he realized he was about to obstruct three or four cars coming towards us

jaywalking

saved my friends and I five minutes of walking

he could have done us a favor and slowed down

I don’t like people who act like pedestrians have no place on the road

so I like to vent at them

when drivers leave there cars hanging out in the middle of a cross walk

I slap the bumper

remind them why they’re supposed to back the fuck up

GinDrunk: Bold. To say the least.

Peter: I am a bold man

Premise Guy: Do you ever see yourself getting behind the wheel?

Peter: I see myself getting a license

but I have never cared for cars

not my thing

GinDrunk: So, cars aren’t your thing…

What is?

Peter: I enjoy comic books with a savage ferocity

GinDrunk: When did this “appetite” first appear?

Peter: My father always bought me comics when I was little

I had probably 30 Spider-man comics

and 30 Ren & Stimpy

by the third grade

with let’s say 20 of various others

I started getting collections at that time

Marvel Masterworks

which had the first 6 Amazing Spider-man, and his first appearance in Amazing Fantasy 15

the dark phoenix saga

GinDrunk: Sounds magical.

How many comics would you say you have now, years later?

Peter: I still have many comics from before 7th grade

but I haven’t thrown out a single issue or collection since 1998

about 1 hundred collections

and close to 1700 single issues

GinDrunk: Wow. Would you consider yourself an avid comic enthusiast, or an expert?

Peter: hmm

I’m reminded of a Kids in the Hall joke

they have a biography type show

about an old entertainer

and they have an old professor looking man in a suit duscussing live TV from the fifties with great knowledge

and vigor

after he’s been talking for 30 seconds

a subtitle appears at the bottom of the screen

“old Guy that watched a lot of TV”

so let’s say

young guy that reads a lot o comics

you could pass me off as an expert

maybe hustle some rubes with comics trivia

GinDrunk: Is this interest in comics here to stay? Indefinitely?

Peter: I think so.

At least in terms of development,

it’s relatively easy and cheap to create a comic as compared to a short film or pilot episode.

Movies have been using comics (story boards) for decades, and the last 10 years have been movies realizing how great this pool of talent and properties is for them.

There won’t be a shortage of new comics.

Too many young creators see how you can strike it rich with nothing but a catchy premise and a good looking miniseries.

So corporate interest is assured.

It’s like how music starts can still get movie and tv gigs even though the music industry’s existence is debatable right now.

GinDrunk: What do you have to say to people that think comics are kinda…childish?

Peter: Calling a medium childish is like calling a color ederly.

It’s a means of expression; and those don’t have age limits or difficulty settings.

It’s like how some people think writing is an easy job. They use the example of it being a job where you just hang out in front of a word processor in your undies.

That completely misses the point.

The dance of words and pictures is incredibly complicated.

I remember when I was younger I called cinematography bullshit.

I was called on it, and rightly so, it was a means of expression I didn’t understand.

So I tired to belittle in an adolescent attempt to inflate my ego.

It’s a bad habit I notice with intellectuals.

It’s much easier to come off as smart and important when you can just write off somebody’s life work as beneath you.

GinDrunk: Insightful.

Peter: thank you

GinDrunk: Less cerebral speaking, what would you say is the most ridiculous comic book character you’ve come across in your studies.

Peter: I’m going to have to go with a Jack Kirby creation. The man was more creative than he could keep up with.

He created this character called The Black Racer

He was this cosmic embodiment of death

that wore full yellow and red medieval armor, a cape with a big Dracula collar, and he flew around on skies.

he even had ski poles

he was also a black man

and he would posses the bodies of different people on different worlds to call people to the next life

or “back to the source” as Kirby calls it

but it gets better than death on skies

I read his first appearance for the first time

and it involves him using the body of a catatonic soldier to claim the lives of mobsters and gods

Faustian

he can finally move, but only to kill

that could be a hell for a veteran

then the issue ends with this crippled man staring directly at the reader

with a narration box explaining that he know who the Black Racer’s next victim is.

COULD IT BE YOU?

Jack Kirby wanted me to fear for my life.

to fear skies

and skis

....???....!!!....<3<3<3

GinDrunk: Thanks Pete!

Peter: De nada

A superhero...of drug knowledge!

GinDrunk: Hey man.

mister heroin: Hola.

GinDrunk: Okay, knowing that this is an touchy subject with you, we’re really pleased to talk to you about the subject of drug addiction, especially your experience. Where do you think it all started?

mister heroin: probably with drugs.

GinDrunk: heh.

mister heroin: To be honest I don’t know why I started doing drugs, but I do have an idea. I think it was because I had very little self confidence when I started (10 years old was my first taste of illicit substances). Always a smaller kid, very bright, but a small little shit nonetheless.

GinDrunk: Damn dude. What was your first taste?

mister heroin: Weed, which I hate. But all the “cool kids” were doing it so I figured I would do the same to fit in. Up until that point I was a straight A student and in accelerated learning programs. After that, it all went down hill. I drank before that and alcohol is a drug but I cant remember actually ABUSING it until I got a little older (12 or so).

GinDrunk: So alcohol was in some silly D.A.R.E. sense your “gateway drug”

mister heroin: Probably. I knew that anything that would make me feel good, I wanted lots and lots of it. Being an addict I want shit where I want it how I want it and I want it yesterday. I guess you could say I am addicted to excess.

GinDrunk: So you think you’ve always been an addict then, even without substances around.

mister heroin: Yes, always been an addict, but it didn’t really start collapsing on me until the last few years. It’s not just drugs with me. I am addicted to anything that makes me feel good. This can be good and bad as some things are good for you such as working out while other things are bad for you, like heroin. Just because you do drugs doesn’t mean you are an addict. Addiction isn’t really relegated to doing drugs, it can be anything like shopping, gambling, fucking… I wonder what a group of sex addicts is like.

GinDrunk: It seems like a intrinsic quality to your character then. Do you think there any telltale signs of someone that’s an addict (beyond banging H in the bathroom)?

mister heroin: For me the signs were obvious for the drug I was doing (heroin). I lost about 30 lbs, barely slept, was nodding off all over the place. Spending hundreds of dollars a day on my habit. I think the tell tale sign for someone who may think they are an addict is when your life becomes completely unmanageable without the use of drugs. I know I certainly got to that point and thats when I said enough was enough.

For a non-addict, sometimes its totally obvious through behavior and physiology. However, sometimes you just cant tell with some addicts. I was able to hide everything for 15 years or so. See, as an addict you get really good at bullshitting because its a lot easier than telling the truth.

H is kinda like the match.

GinDrunk: I see. When does an addict need to bullshit?

mister heroin: All the time. Even if you dont have to, you are generally so used to not telling the truth that it becomes second nature.

GinDrunk: Another symptom it seems.

mister heroin: Not every addict is the same but we are all pretty damn similar.

GinDrunk: Was it like a proverbial light bulb going off in your head, or did something illustrate that you needed to stop?

mister heroin: Well, I have tried getting clean before, but I hadn’t been beaten down this much before. The turning point for me this time was realizing that I couldn’t even go 8 hours without picking up heroin. The 8 hours I waited to get in contact with my connection was a fucking nightmare: I couldn’t sleep, I was throwing up, my pupils were the size of Jupiter (Jupiter is pretty big) and I was sweating even though I was cold. I tried to go and a family member asked me if something was wrong. I couldn’t lie anymore, so I said yes and spilled my guts. At that point I had spent a lot of fucking money on heroin and I was in such a bad financial position that I thought I was going to have to file for bankruptcy just because of my use. With the job I have it was going to take me about 40-50 weeks just to pay it off as well as my bills just to be back at zero.

GinDrunk: Christ.

mister heroin: The other indicator was that I couldn’t even walk up a flight of stairs without getting winded. Plus I would have asthma attacks all of the time because my breathing was so repressed from all the dope I was doing.

GinDrunk: How did the recovery start?

mister heroin: It started by putting the drugs down. Simple as that.

GinDrunk: Cold turkey?

It worked for him.

mister heroin: Yes. Last time I tried quitting I went on a Suboxone maintainence program so I never really had to go through withdrawals (WDs). I saw it as a crutch that hindered my recovery more than helping it. So this time around I bit the bullet and rode that shit out.

Those first 10 days were the most miserable time in my life. I can honestly say I have never been in so much pain and mental anguish.

GinDrunk: Did you ever think about using during that time?

mister heroin: Are you kidding? That is all I thought about for the first two weeks or so. I was trying to figure out a way to get enough money to pick up 50 bags (a Brick) so I could just sit in my room and kill myself with dope. I didn’t want to get high, I wanted to kill myself.

GinDrunk: But you made it through those ten days, and it got easier from then on?

mister heroin: Well…it’s like I tell other addicts, the worst part for me wasn’t the physical part, it was the mental. Don’t get me wrong, the physical part was horrendous and I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. The mental anguish from knowing what I got myself into AGAIN (this isn’t the first time) and how many other people I fucked over as a result made not being alive seem like a really good idea. However, the program I am working has a large suport network so I didn’t have to go through any of this stuff alone. That is the only way I can stay clean on a daily basis. I was never able to do it alone and having support from others makes it a lot easier.

GinDrunk: What program is this? Sounds like it’s highly effective.

mister heroin: Just one of those anonymous 12 step fellowships. It’s not the only program out there that works and it doesn’t work for everyone – but it certainly has been the only thing that keeps me clean.

GinDrunk: Well, that’s great to hear. Shifting gears just a little, what are you opinions about harm reduction programs? It sounds like they wouldn’t do any good for a true addict.

mister heroin: Like needle exchanges and methadone clinics?

GinDrunk: Yeah.

mister heroin: Well, I think needle exchanges and programs designed to reduce the spread of diseases are great. Look, just because AIDS and Hep C and other diseases exist, that doesn’t mean a junkie isn’t going to jam a dirty needle in his arm. Shit, I knew you could overdose from doing too much heroin (I have overdosed quite a few times) but it didn’t stop me from doing it. For a non addict analogy: Its like telling a skydiver that if he jumps out of a plane he might die and him doing it anyway. At least programs like that exist as an alternative to jamming dirty needles in your dick or whatever it is the kids do these days.

As for methadone/suboxone etc. I personally dont care if someone uses it to get through addiction but for me it didn’t work. All it did was let me keep using without the social stigma of using heroin. My experience is only my own though and I will TRY not to look down upon someone for having to go on a maintenance program which uses other drugs.

GinDrunk: You’ve said you’ve overdosed before – has any film/TV depiction of an overdose ever felt authentic?

mister heroin: The trainspotting scene heroin O.D. scene was pretty close to real for me so go for it.

GinDrunk: Interesting. Do you think the social stigma is accurate? Is heroin really worse than, say, hydromorphone, or any other addictive drug that we don’t hear about on the news?

It's true, a drug's a drug, no matter the packaging.

mister heroin: A drug is a drug is a drug. I personally have some resentments against people in my program that are in for weed for example. I know I am not supposed to view other drugs as different from the ones I did, but I am human and I am self centered as all fuck. I am early on in my recovery so hopefully that shit goes away. So I personally think some drugs are worse than others. However, that’s just been my experience and what I feel isn’t fact. Just because I never sucked dick for weed money doesn’t mean someone else hasn’t.

GinDrunk: Would you say that there is a true drug “culture”? And it’s through that that most people develop habits? Or do people just find their own way to feel good, like you did?

mister heroin: I can only speak for myself in this regard. I know I hung out with other people who used drugs. They weren’t all addicts but a good number of them were. I would say there most certainly is a drug “culture” as drugs have become so common and socially acceptable that I don’t think it will be long before we start seeing decriminalization in the near future. As far as people developing habits, if you aren’t an addict you most likely aren’t going to develop a habit that will last long enough to become a habit/addiction. However, like I said that is my experience. I know I cant just have one of anything.

GinDrunk: Do you have any advice for people that dabble in addictive drugs, like anything they should keep in mind as they use periodically?

mister heroin: If you are just “dabbling” as in very infrequent use with no desire to use constantly you MIGHT be ok, but you never know. Addiction is really fucking sneaky. If you are going to do drugs knowing the risks involved… KNOW THE RISKS INVOLVED. Do some research on what you are taking, and if possible do testing on the drugs that you get (especially true with MDMA since you can get test kits so easily). Here is a link to the NA pamphlet (Am I an Addict?).

GinDrunk: Thanks so much for this interview.

mister heroin: No problem. Thanks for giving me an excuse not to work. Hugs not drugs!

Poker Baron is also a manbeast.

Poker Baron: Who is this?

Premise Guy: Premise Guy

Poker Baron: jokes jokes  lol

Premise Guy: lol.  yes, we’re 7th grade girls

Poker Baron: I was at my best when trying to smooth talk 7th grade girls but I was 13 then :(.

Premise Guy: Haha, that’s probably going in. Alright, first question: We were going to do this interview a couple days ago, but I got a message from you at 7 am saying you were just about to go to bed. What the hell are you up to at 7 on a Wednesday morning?

Poker Baron: I own a small poker room and had just finished up about 13 hours of playing live poker.  It makes it more interesting that I had to come home and play with my kiddos for a bit before I could get some sleep. Falling asleep in front of nickelodeon programs on the couch leads to really strange dreams.

Premise Guy: haha I bet.  So you OWN a poker room? I assume this is a much bigger deal than hosting home games for friends?

Poker Baron: Actually not much different where I live. The state that I live in has legalized gambling but kept in at fairly small stakes and what I own I compare to a lucrative lemonade stand all the time. The laws here really prevent big multi table card rooms and no open gambling casinos—only video poker/keno and live poker with a pot cap for each hand—it is sort of like an organized home game in some capacities.  I guess the only bigger deal is that you have to undergo a fairly substantial background check and license application process through the state Dept. of Justice which was designed to keep the criminal element out of state gambling; I actually think it works.

Kinda like this...

Premise Guy: Do you run it out of your home? Are you the only dealer? Give us a day in the life of a card room baron.

Poker Baron: No no, not my house! My wife would only stand for that for like 10 minutes.

Premise Guy: I only ask because I’ve been to a underground card room in NYC…that was in a guy’s bedroom)

Poker Baron: Oh I totally get it! I lease a space from a small casino. They’re pretty common around are; some of the casinos have live poker. The smart ones lease the poker games out because they need attention individually and only seem to work if they are owner operated and not managed by employees.

Poker Baron: Think of like a neighborhood lounge restaurant/bar with some gaming instead of pool tables and video games.

Premise Guy: Sounds pretty awesome actually.

Poker Baron: Much better than actually working. I love poker, never wanted to have a real job but don’t want to have to only play for a living while raising a family. This has allowed me the best of all worlds really

GinDrunk: I’d say. So how is the place laid out? Like, back of a strip club style?

Poker Baron: Hmm, not exactly but closer than you think really. There’s a small bar, small dining area, a lounge, a big space for 20 machines and then just a standard looking 2 table card room. I have about 8 employees I think who mostly just work part time and I must be a decent boss because none of them ever leave.  Pretty sure they have all been with me for over 5 years minimum, but I could be a little off on that.  I didn’t have to go there too often when my kids were really little—which was great.

...ok more like this.

Premise Guy: Sounds idyllic. So you’ve owned this card room for over 5 years, but you’ve been out of school a LITTLE long than that. You mentioned actually playing poker for a living—did you do anything else to make ends meet without depending on The Man?

Poker Baron: I was going to school, teaching and coaching tennis after failing to really make it playing in college, and working at a sporting goods store—typical poor college kid. A tennis player I knew owned a very popular one table card room in the back of a bar. He told me I should come down and play live poker. I did, I had a skill for it; eventually took a job dealing/managing his card game (this was mid 90’s). I spent all my time when not going to school (semester on, semester off style) dealing, traveling, and playing in Vegas, all around the west coast etc. I was no longer a poor college kid which was great and is a similar story to many internet kids but mine was done old school.

Premise Guy: Much more badass though.

Poker Baron: Poker was really good to me. I pretty much met all the big name poker players and played with 99% of them back in the day. It was so much different at the WSOP then I can’t even describe it. You would play a one table satellite and the lineup would be way “tougher” or full of name players I should say then a WPT final table, although they actually didn’t all play that great.

Poker Baron: I continued to work at this bar/card room and then in 2000 my friend/mentor/boss was tragically killed in a car wreck. He was in his early 40’s and left behind a family and 3 kids. It was super sad.

Premise Guy: Ugh, yes.

Poker Baron: I continued to run his poker game for his family for about a year and a half, but I was getting older and this was like a super popular college bar and I was planning on getting married—not the best environment for me anymore. But, for those 7 or so years I was there I really thought I was something. I got hit on all the time by drunken college girls, although it turned out it wasn’t me, just alcohol and proximity. Haven’t got hit on since I don’t think lol.

Premise Guy: A tough life I’m sure.

Poker Baron: It was really something.

Poker Baron: I had been turning down an offer from a local card room owner to come be his partner in the poker game he owned for a couple years, but in 2002 I took it as ownership and a more stable work environment seemed to be a smart move for me. I am still at the same place. I have managed to meet and become pretty good friends with a fairly wide range of poker people. For you 2+2′ers I name drop my boy Ray Zee as often as possible.

Premise Guy: Yes! I forgot he lives near you right? (for our readers, Ray Zee is arguably the original badass of poker)

Poker Baron: I was contemplating going to a pretty big private poker game one morning that is like an hour drive away from me. I called the guy running it and said, “what are you playing, what is the line up etc.”  He said, “like 10/25 no limit hold’em and omaha or something and then rattled off the names of some regulars and then Ray Zee. I laughed as I had just finished reading his split book.

Poker Baron: I go, “Yeah right, are Doyle and Chip Reese there too?

Premise Guy: Baha.

Poker Baron: He said no but this gray haired guy named ray was really there.  I was on my way—not sure why as he is a super tough player—I think he (Zee) loved that I knew who he was and we have been friends ever since and road tripped a couple of times together.

Premise Guy: Wow, you’re definitely the idol of essentially all poker players now.

Poker Baron: That is very doubtful. I am not really that great of player but I am cooler than most of them and I try not to let my A game differ from my C game, you know what I mean?

Premise Guy: Steady Eddie.

Poker Baron: I wasn’t always that steady. I played so far over my bankroll so often it is SCARY.

Premise Guy: Ok, that deserves a story.

Poker Baron: I did put my entire WSOP bankroll on the table one time to start a 25/50 PLO (pot limit Omaha) game with one old rich guy and another ok player within the first hour I was in Vegas.  This was the biggest game spread in those days—besides “the Big Game” which only had a handful of players—it was a pretty insane jump in stakes for me. I was supposed to be there 10 days too. The game quickly filled up with Devilfish and Sammy Farha and a couple other dudes like that and I got almost broke before a massive comeback and a small well deserved loss.

Premise Guy: Sounds a little stressful.

kinda like thissss

Poker Baron: Sort of just dumb, but I was young and it was exciting too. I never really got to make the big score in poker which is the only thing that is a bit disappointing I guess.

Premiss Girl: Sure, I have the room to myself

GinDrunk: Sexy.

Premiss Girl: Quite.

GinDrunk: So, you and Premise Guy are an item – how the fuck did you end up this schlub anyway?

Premiss Girl: I like foreigners

GinDrunk: Ha! That he is.

Premiss Girl: Seriously though, we met at school through a friend and I stuck around for his cooking

GinDrunk: …his cooking?

Premiss Girl: Girls can’t resist roast chicken.

Premiss Girl was later served an injunction for disclosing such a crucial trade secret to the Enemy.

GinDrunk: Wow, that’s – give me a second here to readjust my worldview.

GinDrunk: Ok, ok, so you realize this guy’s a sucker who’s good with a spoon, nice deal – how long were you guys dating before one of you up and graduated?

Premiss Girl: we got together in february (ish) of our senior year

however I was writing a thesis so our dates consisted of me bitching about it until late april

6:18 PM GinDrunk: Hey, me and Premise Guy have bitch dates every day…but neither of us can blame our thesis (we usually blame the economy). What was so ugly and irritating about your undergrad thesis?

Premiss Girl: It was on French literature about WWII

GinDrunk: Sounds pretty brutal.

Premiss Girl: in particular, an 800+ page volume called Les Bienveillantes

GinDrunk: NOw did you read this [“The Kindly One”] in French, or wait for an English like us lazy scholars do?

Premiss Girl: Oh en francais – although that doesn’t mean I was not also a lazy scholar

GinDrunk: pfft, like I learned logic to read philosophy! When did you learn French?

Premiss Girl: I started in middle school…I actually don’t really have a good story for how I got into French. Like, I feel like a lot of people started by idolizing paris, or one particular french artist or writer; I just kind of fell into French.

GinDrunk: Language was a requirement, right?

Premiss Girl: yup. I didn’t fall in love with france until I spent a summer working in the dordogne

GinDrunk: The Dordogne…wazzat?

The lady with the ideas wasn't kidding.

Premiss Girl: it’s a region of southwestern france (or thereabouts). Rolling hills, chalky cliffs, winding rivers, renaissance chateaux, etc etc.

GinDrunk: And when did you end up going there?

Premiss Girl: the summer after my junior year of college. I had just spent a semester in paris and didn’t really have anything to do over the summe. So I figured why not.

GinDrunk: Let me get this straight: You studied french for a while, weren’t in love or anything, and then stumbled upon this section of France you came to love on a hunch basically. That’s pretty cool!

Premiss Girl: Thanks.

GinDrunk: How, if at all, did your new love come to influence your thesis then?

Premiss Girl: I stayed at this 16th century chateau that had basically been in the same family since its construction. Seeing the way that they lived in this great old building and the pride they took in their family’s history

I guess I realized that I didn’t just want to write about literature, I wanted to write about something that dealt with france’s history. And how some people are still dealing with the country’s history, whether in their homes or through their books.

GinDrunk: From my keen understanding of the themes and historical relevance of The Kindly Ones (i.e. I read the synopsis on Amazon), this isn’t a book that’s about the lovely-dovey romantic period of France, right?

Premiss Girl: To put it mildly: Hells no. If you thought Emma Bovary puking up charcoal was gross, you may want to turn elsewhere in French literature.

Why is the sword going skeet skeet skeet? Always with the sexual imagery, those silly fascists.

GinDrunk: …that’s sound pretty intense.

Premiss Girl: Intense, horrifying, with a chance of dear-god-why-am-i-reading-this…but I recommend it!

GinDrunk: Right…so, here you finally develop a deep love for this country who’s language you’ve been slaving over for years…and you go and read a historical novel about a French man that actively participated in the Holocaust.

…but why?

Premiss Girl: wellll…there was a lot of controversy when it came out because a) it was written by–quelle horreur–an American, and b) a lot of contemporary french stuff about WWII is written by people born in the 50s or 60s. So there was lots of hand-wringing about whether it was acceptable for them to write about or fictionalize events that they hadn’t lived through.

GinDrunk: Well, I can see that being a problem yeah. In your expert opinion, was the controversy really about a “foreigner” writing some fiction…or was it because an AMERICAN that did it? What do French people think about AMericans digging around their not-so-pretty cultural history?

Premiss Girl: I think it was more about his being a foreigner and young whippersnapper – although lots of critics claimed to have found grammatical errors in his French

GinDrunk: But did all this reading about the horrors of Vichy France and whatnot didn’t turn you off to the country? Or make it that much more interesting?

Premiss Girl: Oh no, i’m very nosy and very interested in all the gray areas

GinDrunk: Alright, enough nerd crap: What was the most outrageous thing you did in France the last time you were there?? Something Premise Guy doesn’t even know about.

Premiss Girl: Let’s see: got locked in a metro station, got lost in a thunderstorm and knocked on a farmhouse door at 2 am…got naked in the garden of said 16th century chateau. (That last one was in 2007, so technically not the last time I was there)

GinDrunk: It’s okay, we’ll let it slide if you give us more details about, um, why.

Premiss Girl: Well, lots of fighting in the hundred years’ war took place in the Dordogne, so it was very well defended. Meaning high walls. And it was lunch break on a sunny day…

GinDrunk: Sounds perfect for some light exhibitionism. Was there anyone else there?

Premiss Girl: wellll.

Like I said, I like foreigners.

La fifille gone mal.

GinDrunk: yowee. Sounds like you’ve gotten to see some of the best of France and it’s people, and france and it’s people have gotten to see the best of you!

How poetic, how French.

Premiss Girl: haha, well put

GinDrunk: Is there anything about France you don’t like? ANything you would change?

Premiss Girl: Oh sure: I think I would start by getting rid of the pigeons in the jardin du Luxembourg, and also make bank accounts easier to open. But then again, who really loves their bank?

GinDrunk: THE GERMANS

Clouded in mystery, an Other from a Strange World...

GinDrunk: Hi!

Mexual Healing: Hi!

GinDrunk: So, Mexual Healing, you have a secret you’ve been hiding from everyone.

Mexual Healing: hahahaha.

GinDrunk: You’re…part Mexican.

Mexual Healing: It’s true.

GinDrunk: What is it like being…mexican?

Mexual Healing: Well, that’s a good question. My Dad is Mexican, and thus so is that side of my family, but I’m something like a 3rd generation Mexican-American. My great-grandparents came to Chicago relatively back in the day to work in the Steel Mills along Lake Michigan. So, we’re (and I think a lot of the Mexicans in Chicago) kind of a unique breed.

GinDrunk: Unique breed, interesting. Do you guys have any distinctive mores? Is there like a cultural identity?

Mexual Healing: Yeah, for sure. I mean, for one, my family all votes Republican…it’s more of an old-school kind of community, since lots of people have been here for a while. And there’s definitely the Catholic element. Point is, I guess they haven’t really been on the forefront of the immigration debate, etc. and so haven’t necessarily been on the forefront of progressive politics too? I dunno, it’s boring. And I generalize.

GinDrunk: No, no. It’s insightful! Have these more conservative elements ever affected you directly?

Mexual Healing: Well, my mother, who is white, is also really conservative. Plus, I went to Catholic school for 15 years.

GinDrunk: Christ.

Mexual Healing: Which, of course, completely turned me off to both religion and politics.

GinDrunk: What was your worst Catholic school experience? The nuns don’t slap kids around anymore, do they?

Mexual Healing: No, corporal punishment is a bit of a no no these days. But I did have nuns for a lot of classes in high school. INCLUDING sex ed.

GinDrunk: Sounds like a pervy porno.

Mexual Healing: Seriously. But besides the bigger-picture kinds of complaints I had (or have now, anyway) with Catholic school, it actually wasn’t a total nightmare back then. In a lot of ways, the rumors about Catholic school kids being worse are true.

“Worse” – I should clarify. At least one yearly drug bust, K-9 units and all.

The only thing standing between Catholic school boys and PERDITION: The Nun.

GinDrunk: Wow, yeah, those k-9’s can be pretty scary. Especially when they’re sniffing around your locker.

Mexual Healing: Ha! Not mine, man. Believe it or not, I stayed clear of the wacky tobaccy until college.

GinDrunk: Good for you! Or not.

Mexual Healing: Yeah, well, in retrospect, I guess it wasn’t a conscious choice.

GinDrunk: So why do you think Catholic school boys and girls turn out “worse”? That seems to be the generalization, but you’ve seen the phenomenon with your own eyes.

Mexual Healing: Oh, sure. I mean, there wasn’t a lot of violence. I guess that’s the trade off that a lot of families made in sending their kids to an expensive Catholic school. So a lot of times, it was just that there was more money, and the same amount of boredom as in any high school, so it manifested itself as drug use. I’m sure one could argue the repression factor as well, but you know, it only really holds up on a case-by-case basis

GinDrunk: Definitely. Back to the mexicaniticity, did you become more “aware” of your background upon leaving the Chicago area? Did it become a more noticeable trait because?

Mexual Healing: That’s a really interesting topic. I definitely struggled with identity earlier in junior high, and eventually I came to the half-baked conclusion I was essentially “white” since I was raised by my white mother (nurture over nature, etc.). And throughout high school I sort of thought of myself as what a lot of people might call a “coconut” – that is, brown on the outside, white on the inside.

But when I got to college, I saw that a lot of the Hispanic students had a totally different experience, and one that actually did make them feel out of place at a small new england liberal arts college

GinDrunk: Did this make it difficult for you to relate to them? Did anyone hold it against you for being a “coconut”?

Mexual Healing: Nah, I had great relationships with students in the Hispanic student organizations, of which I was a part my first year. But I’ll admit, there was this kind of subversive solidarity that I didn’t quite “get.”

GinDrunk: Do explain.

Mexual Healing: Well, for minorities at a historically elite (read: “white”) college, there are a lot of instant commonalities…the institution [the college] was a kind of common enemy, I suppose. A lot of it was good-humored, but there was definitely some truth to it.

And here’s where I’m going to put my foot in my mouth with a generalization, but at least for me, I never felt like a statistic, and therefore never really underrepresented, since I never got any of that cabbage that the school (at least, a few years ago) was in the habit of dealing out to minority students as incentive. My mom put my brother and I through college, all by her mad self.

GinDrunk: Madre’s a baller, no doubt.

Mexual Healing: She tries.

GinDrunk: Now, you said you never “got” the whole race antagonism – but have you ever had a “moment” where you were like, “Damn, screw all these gueros?”

It's been too long.

Mexual Healing: haha!

GinDrunk: At school, in life, on the street, wherever.

Mexual Healing: Well, not because they’re gueros…mostly I get frustrated because people are often boring and homogenous. Occasionally some bigotry will make its way through the media and then it’s more like, “Damn, screw middle America.” But I definitely love being swarthier than the average American, and ambiguously so! I’ve been mistaken for almost every ethnicity by now.

GinDrunk: What was the most mind blowing one? Like, Samoan?

Mexual Healing: I wish! I think the guys at Dunkin Donuts asked me if I were Paki once. This is after they proceeded to try and guess it aloud before taking my order. It’s a fun time.

That and Greek once.

GinDrunk: WEEEIRD. Do you think people ever find you “exotic” then?

Mexual Healing: I did, but I think I’ve gotten over myself since then. I mean, the second I open my mouth that goes out the window.

GinDrunk: And how! Ok, Mr. Dark and Mysterious, what do you find exotic?

Mexual Healing: Ha, well, I don’t find them “exotic,” but I do seem to have a “thing” for white ladies.

GinDrunk: …you like the white ladies. (not the type of ecstasy, the human kind I’m guessing)

I had to go there. I'm sorry

Mexual Healing: I probably wouldn’t know ecstasy from smints. But statistically speaking, one could draw the conclusion that I prefer to date women of European descent. It’s a strange phenomenon, I know.

GinDrunk: Any insights into this alabaster phenomenon?

Mexual Healing: haha. Not really, other than the fact that “alabaster” was the immediately the word that came to my mind, as well.

GinDrunk: Wow!

Mexual Healing: I’d like to ignore the fact that my mother is white (Paging Dr. Freud! nyuk, nyuk), but I should acknowledge it and then immediately move on. It’s really not a conscious choice?

GinDrunk: It’s just fascinating to hear about someone having a penchant for white girls – I guess I’m so used to ASIANS being all the rage.

Mexual Healing: Yeah, I’m familiar with that craze. It’s not really a mystery to me, though. It [the attraction] has a lot more to do with having things in common, and having similar tastes and sense of humor.

GinDrunk: Like a love of mayo and NPR? Hi-ho!

Mexual Healing: I do, in fact, love both of those things! Of course, I have dated other kinds of women, but…..the numbers don’t lie.

That probably means I’m attracted to baby boomers. Kind of a reverse cougar, and the male kind

GinDrunk: Something like …”baby seal”? Doesn’t have the same charm.

Mexual Healing: I don’t know, we might be surprised. I’m sure it would snag a lot of activist, PETA types.

GinDrunk: So, all in all, would you say you’re more at peace now with your mixed background and identity then you were before?

Mexual Healing: Oh, definitely. It just comes with being more at peace with myself in general. It’s just not something I have to choose, and I love that more than anything. I mean, I’m really looking forward to the next generation actually being color blind in a sense, especially in light of this generation’s accomplishments.

GinDrunk: “Accomplishments”…we’ll see about that!

Mexual Healing: Ha! I’m not saying I’ll have anything to do with them. guess more like Gen X….does the president fall into that?

GinDrunk: He falls into whatever the fuck he wants.

MEXICO AND AMERICA: FOREVER UNITED BY THE SHARED LOVE OF CHIMMY CHONGAS!

Paintball violence is the only sort of violence Pool Hall Fugitive condones.

GinDrunk: Ok then! First question.

Pool Hall Fugitive: Shoot.

GinDrunk: Not to start off with the obvious and all, but you’re gay, right?

Pool Hall Fugitive: The obvious and all?! I’m slighted. Yes, I am A GAY.

GinDrunk: How has that worked out for you so far?

Pool Hall Fugitive: I live in the gay mecca (san fran) and all these homos are useless tools. what do you think?

GinDrunk: Oh, well, this isn’t about me…but yeah, San Fran is kinda superfluous…Have you always lived in the Gay Mecca?

Pool Hall Fugitive: yes. born and raised, and damn proud. None of this palo alto crap for me, thanks.

GinDrunk: Were you exposed to gay culture as a youngster?

Pool Hall Fugitive: Not really. it wasn’t until I came out-to myself and eventually others- that I started exploring the castro and the gay subculture

GinDrunk: The Castro?

Pool Hall Fugitive: Yes. It’s where the recent movie, Milk, was filmed… The Castro’s where the modern gay rights movement started on the West Coast (vs Stonewall on the East Coast). It’s changed a lot since its heyday, so I’ve heard from many older gays.

GinDrunk: What was your process of outing like? Did you, and others, make it easy?

Pool Hall Fugitive: The process of coming out varied greater depending on whom I came out to. One of the most liberating moments in my life was witnessing and coming out to myself at my very first Pink Saturday, a street party in the Castro the night preceding the Pride parade. Other experiences of coming out varied greatly. It went smoothly with Mom; initial incomprehension aside, she actually took it really well for a Chinese mother.

These were the first guys PHF came out to.

Pool Hall Fugitive: The process with my younger brother isn’t going so well. I’m still in the process of coming out to him. It’s my problem, not his. I have issues opening up and talking about it. He’s Presbyterian.

GinDrunk: Oh wow, that does sound like a tough situation. Has he ever said anything hurtful about gays in general?

Pool Hall Fugitive: No, not at all. In fact, I think he’s been really good about it………..despite the time he received a random text stating, “come fuck me now” while using my cell phone. BEYOND AWKWARD. This was before he “forced” me out of the closet almost a year ago.

GinDrunk: Well, that’s good – him being good about it, not the “crossed lines” business.

Pool Hall Fugitive: No, thank God.

GinDrunk: Have you ever encountered any straight up bigotry? Like, being called a “faggot” to your face?

Pool Hall Fugitive: I’m certain I have, but I can’t even remember. Bigoted idiots used to holler slurs like that all the time while driving pass the Castro…but I don’t think I’ve witnessed any of this recently.

GinDrunk: Hey, maybe the times are changing for the better.

Pool Hall Fugitive: Who knows. Hopefully.

GinDrunk: So, we’ve done a little snooping around, asking some of your friends for tidbits…

Pool Hall Fugitive: OMG.

GinDrunk: And it’s come to our attention that you’ve been in PRISON before. And not just any prison, a Uraguan prison. Tell us that story.

Pool Hall Fugitive: Hah! Well, I was never in prison per se, though I’m honored to hear these juicy rumors.

GinDrunk: Per se…jail then?

Pool Hall Fugitive: Hah, not even. More like the lobby of the nicest police station I’ve seen in Colonia, Uruguay.

GinDrunk: Well, okay, so you weren’t in shackles or whathave you…but there must have been a reason for you to be there! Unless you like exploring urban police stations as a hobby, which is pretty cool too.

Pool Hall Fugitive: Well, I like pushing my luck with the law, I guess? I was caught with the shittiest pot I’ve ever smoked. You know that crap that comes in bricks with seeds and all? Anyway, out of all my fellow classmates, the Uruguayan border patrol decided to inspect the Asian dude with the man bag. How fucked up is that? South America (specifically Uruguay/Argentina) will fuck you over every single time, Sanford-style.

These guys didn't want to end up in a S. American prison either.

GinDrunk: Damn. Not the most respectable thing to get pinched over!

Pool Hall Fugitive: Yeah, I’d be better off getting caught with an eight ball of coke up my ass…

GinDrunk: You must have been shitting yourself in that lobby – what was running through your mind?

Pool Hall Fugitive: I was actually pretty calm about it despite knowing I was in deep shit. My biggest concern was getting kicked out of my study abroad program. I was already “behind” a semester at Amherst and I really didn’t want to graduate even later. I ultimately played it cool knowing that whatever the outcome, it was meant to be. That didn’t alleviate the fear of my parents finding out though! The program didn’t end up kicking me out, and my brother actually intervened and destroyed the evidence by ripping up the letter that got sent home. Talk about lucking out big time!

GinDrunk: Would you say Uruguay is one of the strictest places you been?

Pool Hall Fugitive: In theory, yes; in practice, no. The Argentinean dude from the program that bailed me out said I lucked out. He’s had run-ins with the Uruguayan popo before, and claimed that they aren’t the least bit hesitant about smacking you around, especially Argentineans who often frequent Uruguay and treat it like their backyard. I guess I should really thank my lucky stars…

But in terms of stricter places: Does Communist China count?

GinDrunk: Ugh, yeah it does. Any run-in’s with the five there?

Pool Hall Fugitive: For the most part, no.

GinDrunk: Well, thank god for that.

Now, since you’ve brought up drugs, I gotta ask: What’s the WORST drug experience/trip you’ve had? The absolute worst one. Preferably one where you (inadvertently of course) stacked a number of mind-bending substances.

Pool Hall Fugitive: Experience you ask… I haven’t had any REALLY bad experiences apart from the time I ate space cookies while at the movie theater. Not feeling anything after one cookie, and compounded with hunger from not having dinner, I ended up eating one–no, wayyyyy–too many. But I’ve always had my shrooms–the one that gets most people–in responsible moderation.

GinDrunk: What are you shroom experiences like then? Iluminating? Boring?

Pool Hall Fugitive: Well, the objects were certainly illuminating…glossy. But no, never boring. I loved the shroom shakes I had in Thailand.

GinDrunk: Shroom shakes in Thailand…there’s gotta be a story there.

Pool Hall Fugitive: No, not really. The Full Moon Party’s just an awesome beach event that kicks off past midnight and then runs well into dawn. Every kind of drug can be found, every kind of music is played. It’s mostly catered to foreigners like Aussies, Europeans, and Americans. Even the dogs appear dead on the beach from sheer exhaustion the next day.

GinDrunk: And I think I just found my Life Destination.

Pool Hall Fugitive: Haha. It’s fun. Just don’t forget about smoking opium next to a waterfall in northern Thailand while you’re debaucher-ing it up on the islands in the south.

One of the finer things in life.

GinDrunk: Christ. Ok, so you’re a hardy party-er and a hustler at times…but a little bird told me that you also pursue a career in fashion. What has that been like?

Pool Hall Fugitive: Ah, I think I know who this little birdie is, and I intend on strangling her when I get my hands around her wittle neck. But anyway: fashion.

At this point, it’s a no-go. While I would like to have a glamorous job in fashion in NYC (perhaps even attend art school), I don’t intend on being a starving artist for the time being. I love textiles, and I think I’d be interested in designing men’s wear in the future. I mean, I have a Singer sitting around at home ready to be played with, but I just haven’t summoned the passion or motivation to create and build garments. The problem is, I guess you can’t really summon passion, can you?

GinDrunk: Wise words. Who’s your favorite designer of men’s fashion, someone that you would follow if you ever got back into that game?

Pool Hall Fugitive: Oh, I don’t even know. I don’t believe in following the footsteps of others. Sure, I’ll allow their stuff to inspire me, but ultimately, I want to create something original. Oh, and I gotta say, I love the fact that Michelle Obama is giving these younger, less well-known designers a chance in the spotlight.

GinDrunk: She does give some of us hope, UNLIKE SOME OTHER OBAMA’S. Any thoughts on all of this DOMA business?

Pool Hall Fugitive: It’s awful, even heinous when it comes to CALIFORNIA’s support of Prop H8. Don’t-Ask-Don’t-Tell might even be worse. How can you die for your country and not be able to simply and openly express your sexual orientation? Plain awful. Robert Maginnis, a retired Army lieutenant colonel who was part of the Pentagon group that helped crafted the ban, recently wrote for the NYTimes. I leave you with an amazing quote: “Cohesive units are built through the constant and close association of people over time, which produces a mixture of trust and confidence. Openly serving gays polarize and fragment that critical trust and confidence.” He brings up many other astounding facts, whose sources I’m dying to know. The bottom line is people are just afraid. Give The Movement some more time…and hope. It’s only a matter of time…

GinDrunk: It really is only a matter of time, yes. Well, thank you for your time and patience! Do you have a blog or anything we can use to keep up to date with your latest antics?

Pool Hall Fugitive: Unfortunately, I don’t. Despite having retired from Planworld, I’ve been dying to make a comeback… but a grand re-entrance remains to be conjured up. I’ll keep you posted, though, Katie Couric.

This is the only picture of Vector Girl we were able to clear with the State Department.

Vector Girl: Are we on, Premise Guy?

Premise Guy: Yes! Ok, first question: Tell us about being a confirmed vector for the H1N1 (swine flu) virus.

Vector Girl: hahahaha ok. First of all, I was the CDC’s worst nightmare in that I’d been on three public transportation systems in ten days, attended massive crowded events, and had no idea how I got sick. But I did get sick, and I was feverish and flu-ish and my fever hit 104 and I thought my brain was going to explode. So, my mother forced me to go to the doctor. He tested me for type-a influenza and swiped my nose for the swine flu test. Then I was told since I might have swine flu, I could not travel, had to wear a face mask in public, and to avoid touching my parents (who were put on preventive tamiflu).

Premise Guy: I assume you took this advice to heart?

Vector Girl: I promptly flew halfway across the country to drink my liver into submission and share germs with all attending my college reunion! Turns out the whole “youth think they are invincible” thing is true. Alas, no one died, and I didn’t have to miss reunion, so it was a risk well worth taking. Though friends who came down with the fever/aches were not so sure.

Fortunately, Vector Girl bears no resemblance to our friend here.

Premise Guy: Oops. How many people did you end up infecting?

Vector Girl: Eh, it’s uncertain. I think people were mostly experiencing hysterical/empathetic proxy symptoms. I haven’t met anyone who BOTH touched me AND tested definitively positive, but I suppose it could’ve been hundreds!

Premise Guy: Sounds like rationalizations from your typical disease vector criminal but ok we believe you!

Vector Girl: I really think I was doing everyone a favor: the November version’s going to wipe humanity out

Premise Guy: Haha, good point. You were really the inoculator.

Vector Girl: Exactly!

Premise Guy: Ok, moving on. You started college as a 2nd generation immigrant, were a member of about 20 student groups and had pretty much straight A’s. You would certainly agree that you’ve changed a lot since then (freshman Vector Girl wouldn’t have been a prime transmitter of a deadly disease)! Talk about your, let’s call it, “transformation.”

Vector Girl: Hmm, this is the kind of question I ask therapists at cocktail parties. They never have a sufficient answer.
Ok, honestly, I think I’m the same person, just with different priorities. And the girl who had single-minded focus and competitive drive to have the best GPA and win shit would now rather improve her tolerance for alcohol to surprising (for my stature) levels.

(so this thing is anonymous right?)

Premise Guy: yes (if you want it to be)

Vector Girl: Maintaining the double life is at least half the fun of the “transformation,” I’d say.

Premise Guy: Well, it’s not as if you’ve lost your hope in all things: tell us about your work for the BIG O in the white house.

Vector Girl: Back when he was a nobody state senator in IL, my mother said I couldn’t go to Iowa to canvass for a man named Howard Dean; so I interned instead for Barack Obama. I got a free copy of his first book (they weren’t really selling back then), his signature on a school magazine article I wrote about him, an interview with Robert Gibbs, and probably my only lifetime brush with fame. Suffice it to say, I failed to maintain our connection and will not be soon finding myself a perch at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. I can tell you that he is really tall, great with names, and has a very firm handshake

Premise Guy: What was campaigning like exactly? Was Obama already a “big deal” at this point? Give us some anecdotes about the people around him that are currently in the white house or in office.

IWAN was only 5 years too late to snag an interview with this former nobody.

Vector Girl: Hmm, nope he was a nobody. Nobody in Chicago had heard of him and he had no money. Basically he was a constitutional law professor with a nerdy image in a state that tends to reward crooks and morons. I honestly didn’t think he was going to win, and actually was congratulating myself for the selfless, ideologically pure move of working for an unelectable progressive. Funny how images change.

As for the people around him that are currently in the white house, I only have my impressions. David Axelrod was always in and out, even then, but I had no idea I was brushing shoulders with history, or else I would’ve paid closer attention. Alas, my political intuition was proven sorely lacking, but at least I can say I wasn’t alone in underestimating him.

Premise Guy: Good point. Hindsight is 20/20 and all that jazz.

Vector Girl: Yep, and sometimes you meet the next president of the United States, and you wouldn’t even know it.

Premise Guy: Are you still interested in politics to the same degree?

Vector Girl: I think I’ll always be a political junkie. How history is shaped by a handful of all-too-flawed men is fascinating. But I realized pretty early on in that first internship that I wasn’t cut out for the nuts and bolts of it.

Premise Guy: Logistics, cold calling, door knocking etc. or the cutthroat “nature” of it?

Vector Girl: Campaign work is a slog, and it’s loading luggage for some unelectable guy with a funny name in Chicago while you keep the impossible hope alive that someday he’ll be somebody and take you with him. And yeah, the cutthroat nature of it isn’t an endorsement either. I guess I ended up being too idealistic, even for Barack Obama.

Premise Guy: “The hope that he’ll take you with him.” Is that the typical motivation? People in politics or campaigns talk about their desire to change things etc. etc. Sounds very different compared to that quote. Do you think there even are people purely motivated by altruistic motives? Did you know anybody on the campaign?

Vector Girl: See that’s the thing: I really do think the people on the campaign believed in Barack, especially the younger campaign aides. But 1) that kind of devotion to a single man is just not my style – I’m more of a cause-issue sort of person it turns out, and 2) I think people in the mud and dirt of electoral politics want to change stuff, sure. But they really want to win and they really, really want THEIR guy to win.

Politics behind the scenes is exactly like this, but somehow less adorable.

Premise Guy: Sounds like for all your probably correct cynicism there’s still a “this guy is different” attitude.

Vector Girl: He got out of Illinois fast enough that maybe most of the dirt managed not to stick.

Premise Guy: Haha, we can hope. Well, rather GinDrunk can hope. Premise Guy will be laughing in his igloo while Sarah Palin decrees ice fishing a national sport.

Vector Girl: Haha well that’s the hope.

Premise Guy: Alright, from trying to get into elected office, to just trying to get into office: tell us about going to work for the state department.

Vector Girl: I decided I needed a competitive admissions process that would not require me to network, schmooze, or generally be a nice girl. Also I’m done with school – turns out the state department still has an old-fashioned meritocratic test and oral exam process. That should allow me to see the world on Uncle Sam’s dime with terrific job security.

Premise Guy: The process is still pretty grueling though right?

Vector Girl: Yeah ha, I’m being a little silly. Honestly, it’s too much work for me not to genuinely want it so perhaps selling it as the discouraged worker’s loophole is not quite accurate. But the fact that there are few other organizations in America doubling their annual hiring does set the numbers in my favor.

Premise Guy: What is the security clearance like? Did you have to tell them about the time you put gum in another kid’s hair back in 3rd grade?

Vector Girl: Ha pretty much: I will end up listing just about everyone I’ve ever known. I have been warned that all those people might be called or visited by a persistent investigator who will then ask for the names of more mutual friends. He’ll do this until he can diagram my entire work-social-school life with a degree of accuracy that makes me want to hide. But I hear the number one disqualifier is debt default, which is unsurprising, but it also gives tons of cover to those who’ve since reformed from their gum-on-classmates’-hair days. Actually, random fact: the Foreign Service was pretty female unfriendly till the mid 1970’s.

Premise Guy: Really?

Vector Girl: Mostly because of legitimate fear of “vulnerability to sexual blackmail” – apparently that is no longer a concern

Premise Guy: Because everyone and their mother (gross) has a sex tape now?

Vector Girl: I guess so! Males and females both! And neither seem at all embarrassed! Equality at last.

Premise Guy: Might as well just disband WAGS departments worldwide. Okay, final question: You keep a blog of sorts (although only available to former classmates) in which you’ve gone into quite specific details about your personal life. What’s something you’ve NEVER revealed?

Vector Girl: Oh sheesh, this is a hard question, since my nosy friends have found a way into all the recesses of my life.

Premise Guy: (plus the state department it would seem)

Vector Girl: Hahaha yes, my life is pretty much an open book. I will tell you: in fourth grade, I cheated on a social studies test because I couldn’t remember the answer for the extra credit question. Obviously, I got caught. Man, am I glad I’m not that girl anymore!

Premise Guy: BORING. But I guess that will have to do.

Christopher Null gets paid to drink, watch movies, and play with electronics. We're not jealous, really.

Interview With A Nobody: We initially contacted you about using an image of some very delicious gin, (Bluecoat American Dry Gin), and figured “Hey, a guy that blogs about booze every day. Probably a cool dude – we should interview him!” So our first question is obviously: what’s it like to blog about drank?

Christopher Null: Well it is tougher than I thought it would be. The drinking tends to interfere with the writing, you see. The more one drinks, the less coherent one tends to get… but potentially more entertaining.  That said, it is a dream job.

IWAN: I wouldn’t doubt it.  So when you get a bottle of wine in the mail for example, you’re not doing the whole take a mouthful and spit it out routine right?

Null: Depends on how bad it is.  But generally no – I usually drink like an average consumer would.  A glass before dinner and a glass during, enough to compose some thoughts.  The exception is going to big events.  When you have 80 wines being poured you have to spit or you’ll die.

IWAN: But what a death!

Null: Even spitting it’s difficult to make it through the whole battery… my palate gives out after about 40 wines. I’m working on that.

IWAN: Haha wow. Yes, I’ve tried doing beer tastings – by the 5th I haven’t a clue what it tastes like anymore.

Null: Exactly. Things start to blend together.

IWAN: So big events are usually wine or whiskey tastings?

Null: Almost always wine.  I go to about one a month, sometimes more, depending on the season.  Sometimes there are 20 wineries, sometimes there are 300. The bigger ones you have no hope of tasting your way through entirely. There are two whiskey-focused tasting events in SF each year, also. Those are generally my two favorite days of the year, then Christmas.

IWAN: Is whiskey your drink of choice then?

Null: Definitely.  Scotch and bourbon, really anything.

IWAN: We noticed you had reviewed A LOT.

Null: Yeah it pales to the vodka though.  Everyone and his brother has a vodka they want to send you.

IWAN: And they all taste pretty much the same right?

Null: They are more subtle than other spirits, but I definitely have identified “good” vodka and “bad” vodka. And anyone would notice the poor quality of the really cheap stuff, the plastic-bottled plonk that tastes like charcoal.

IWAN: I see, I think that’s where a discerning palate can really be in a whole other league from one of us chumps. Although we’re both well versed in the $6 handle purchased just across the border in New Hampshire.

Null: The secret is to do side-by-side tastings. Get a bottle of cheap stuff and put it next to a premium brand and see what you think.

IWAN: Gotcha.

IWAN: So we came across this fantastic quote in one of your reviews: “It’s not every day a $450 Scotch lands on the doorstep. Today we got two…”

Null: Another great day.

IWAN: Was that the best?

Null: Those were both great Scotches, but the best thing I’ve written about so far on Drinkhacker is the Martell Exquisite L’Or cognac.   $3,600 a bottle, and downright amazing.

Tell enough of your friends about Interview With A Nobody and we'll tell you how it tastes.

IWAN: That’s almost absurd.

Null: Naturally the companies never send out entire bottles when things get this expensive, but I am happy just to try a shot or two.  The “record” most expensive thing I’ve tried is another cognac from Delamain called Le Voyage. $7000 a bottle, of which they made 500.

IWAN: Ok, that’s just ridiculous.

Null: Still, it’s another interesting point – does price really indicate quality? More often than not I find a $60 whiskey is better than the $4000 one.

IWAN: That’s good to know for guys like us.

Null: You have to find what you like and don’t let yourself get swayed by the perception of quality telegraphed by the price. That is very hard to do. That said, the Martell is amazing. Truly.

IWAN: How did you manage to get a taste of that by the way?

Null: I’m not sure of the specifics of that one, but in most cases the companies either ask if they can send a sample for review, or I request one after seeing their press release.  Some weeks we’ll get 20-30 bottles of samples here to work through. The backlog can be ridiculous.

IWAN: Haha, I don’t think either of us could survive that schedule.

Null: Yeah, I give away a lot of bottles of booze that are 80 percent full.

IWAN: Ok, we want to get to talking about filmcritic.com for a bit but one last question: speaking of appreciating something for more than just the price: have you ever considered reviewing a beverage we’re both enamored with: Olde English 800?

Null: I will need to get in touch with them after I finish my in-depth analysis of Mickey’s “Big Mouth” and King Cobra.

IWAN: Haha, we’re going to anxiously wait for those reviews.

Null: I’ll text you as soon as they’re up.

IWAN: You founded www.filmcritic.com back in 1995 and sold it to AMC just recently. Damn we’re envious (again). You mentioned in your blog that the media attention this got was kind of lacking. Set the record straight for us.

Null: Sure. I wasn’t really looking for the front page of the Wall Street Journal, but was surprised how long it took the word to get out. A handful of stories finally hit last week.  Anyway, yeah, I’ve been running Filmcritic.com for 14 years. Last year AMC Television (yeah, Mad Men rocks!) approached me to explore buying it. The deal took six months to work out, but in the end it did. It was all rather sudden and surprising, really. They hired me after the acquisition to keep running the site, so it’s mainly business as usual until a massive redesign is completed, hopefully before the end of the year.

IWAN: 6 months from start to finish-that must have been kind of grueling?

Null: Yes. Very nerve wracking. Lots of lawyers involved, and hundreds of pages of paperwork.

IWAN: So the conditions of you staying on afterwards for the transition and all the details that involved was a major part then?

Null: No, my hiring afterward was treated as a separate negotiation. But both worked out.

IWAN: Gotcha, so the meat of the deal was obviously price? I just have a picture in my head of two lawyers passing envelopes with numbers in them back and forth. Obviously that’s not how it works right?

Null: Not at all. In fact price had very little to do with it. They made an offer which was pretty close to what I had in mind. There was very little haggling on price. The legal nitty gritty was the bulk of it. Lots of lawyering involved there. Give and take.

IWAN: Who would think all of that for a blog? Seriously though, it must feel like a real accomplishment to have reviewed so many damn movies.

Null: Well, I do not see myself looking back later in life, wishing I had watched more movies.

IWAN: I’m sure you get the “What’s the best movie?” question all the time…but what about the worst movie you’ve endured?

Null: There are so many. It’s hard to say: Is “Speed Racer” worse than “The Net”?  They’re both awful in different ways.

IWAN: Oh thank god, you share our hatred of Speed Racer.

Null: There are so many bad ones, but I think they’re widely known to be awful.  The very worst? Maybe “Battlefield Earth.”

IWAN: Please tell me you didn’t have to pay to see that one.

Null: I can’t remember the last movie I paid to see.

IWAN: Really? Wow. You weren’t kidding when you said that being a movie reviewer is the best job in the world.  What are some other perks that come with being an acclaimed film critic? Rubbing elbows with directors, actors, perhaps?

Null: Acclaimed? Wow, you flatter me.  I did get quoted on the DVD for “Midnight Express.” Other than that it’s free DVDs and getting to see whatever you want ahead of time.

He wasn't kidding.

IWAN: How far ahead of time usually?

Null: Sometimes months, sometimes days. I’m seeing the new Harry Potter on Monday – that’s cutting things a little close to write a review, but it’s the first screening.

IWAN: Now, it’s our understanding you’ve appeared on television many times as a commentator/pundit. How do these appearances come about? Do you have an agent or do producers contact you directly?

Null: I don’t have an agent right now. Have a few times in the past, but really that’s the job of a publicist, not an agent. Some producers/interviewers/radio hosts contact me directly. Some go through the PR department at Yahoo!, where I also write (and which I consider my primary “job”).

IWAN: That’s a beautiful way to be. Any total disasters on camera, like a fellow talking head go ape on you?

Null: Nothing comes to mind. But god, doing live TV spots back when I was green was the most nerve-wracking thing ever. I wouldn’t sleep for a week before an appearance. I’ve had tech demos go bad on the air before. Most producers just figure out how to work around it.

IWAN: Yeah, those plague everyone – especially Microsoft.

Null: Yep, the pros plan for it.

IWAN: Everyone always talks about how “amazing” the atmosphere is at Google, what is it like at Yahoo!?

Null: I have only been to the Yahoo! campus three or four times. I work at home, so for me it’s pretty much hanging out in my socks and keeping the hours I like. The Yahoo! campus is a lot like any dot-com campus though – lots of food, open space, and cubes as far as the eye can see.

IWAN: Sigh, if only to be removed from the officious maze like you Null.

Null: It has its pros and cons.  Not a lot of human interaction when you work at home. Except for telling telemarketers to shove off.

Null: I’ve spoken to my current boss only 3 times ever. Some people would see that as a huge pro I think though.

GinDrunk: Yeah they do!

Premise Guy: A thousand times yes!

IWAN: And to bring the interview full circle, what is your best drunk story?

Null: Whew, involving myself?  Some of the details are a little embarrassing.

Null: But I will say that I have set off roman candles before… in my living room.

IWAN: Bahahaha!

Null: Took me a few days to figure out why the carpet was burned.

Null: It seemed like a good idea at the time, I’m sure.

IWAN: Well, with that awesome detail firmly etched into the stone of the Internet, let me thank you again for talking to us hooligans, Null!

Null: Thanks for the interview. It was fun.

IWAN: Do you have anything you would like to shout out?

Null: Nah, y’all have plugged all my big current projects… though I do have two books, one on how to become a film critic called “Five Stars,” and one a novel about a murderous, remorseful teenager called “Half Mast.” You can find them both at www.sutropress.com.

IWAN: Novel? That’ Premise Guy’s memoir right there.

Null He can use it to cry himself to sleep.

Thanks Null.

Yes Dezbaa, it is ok.

Dezbaa: I’m naked is that ok?

Interview With A Nobody: …yes, that’s fine.

Dezbaa: Good! Let’s get this started, I’m getting cold.

IWAN: ha, ok: It’s our understanding that you’ve got quite the “exotic” background, ethnicity-wise. Tell us about your family history.

Dezbaa: My dad is Navajo and my mom is Mexican; she became a naturalized citizen when she was 19. My great grandfather was Spaniard-blue eyes blond hair and light skin. That’s why I’m also fair-skinned though my parents are dark. I consider myself Hispanic but I identify on paper and in general as Native American.

IWAN: Wait, you’re Native American and Native Mexican?

Dezbaa: I guess. I had an anthropology major friend tell me that I had Aztec features (as opposed to Mayan, he said). My mom looks more Mexican Indian than what most people think of when they idealize Mexicans. That great grandfather I mentioned married a short dark skinned beauty. They had kids with green eyes and very dark skin. Or so the story goes.

IWAN: You made the distinction between considering yourself Hispanic and identifying formally as Native American – why do you do that? Is it an issue of pride or a cultural statement?

Dezbaa: I think it started when I was a kid and something that made logical sense to me-and still does otherwise I wouldn’t do it. I grew up in a Hispanic environment. Describing the difference between Hispanic and Mexican especially in the place where I grew up-in Northern New Mexico is a whole other story in itself. I know a little bit of Spanish and danced Mexican Folk dances. I grew up eating Mexican food. I didn’t grow up being Native. My dad was adopted by a white family when he was three and basically raised “white”-never raised on a reservation. So to even things out, I identify as Native American. I’m still in the process of trying to explore that part of myself.

IWAN: Sounds like a lifelong process. Still, it must be kind of amazing to come from such a diverse lineage (compared to say, us white slices).

Dezbaa: I enjoy the mix. It’s like I have three cultures. The family that raised my dad was originally from Texas, so he grew up loving fried chicken and biscuits. My mom’s dad rebelled against his religious parents so I’d say we’re a pretty open minded bunch.

This is the first image that came to mind, don't lie. RACIST

IWAN: Jumping forward from how your parents and childhood experiences sculpted you, where would you say you are at these days? What are your immediate goals?

Dezbaa: Oh geez! Where am I? I’m sitting on the floor in my room in my underwear (just put em on). There are clothes, books, and papers everywhere. The bed is unmade. This morning I woke up to the smell of hamburger and onions from last night’s dinner that I was too lazy to take downstairs to the kitchen. But, I know where most things are: the important things. I feel, and I’ve told people this before, it’s kind of an analogy to my life at this point.

IWAN: So your life smells like onions and is spread out all over the floor?

Dezbaa: Yes, my life is ONIONS! There are many layers!! ::face palm:: I am one semester away from my bachelor’s (THANK GOD!). Then my big plan is to get a job that pays decent money. Pay off loans. Save up some money to invest in more massage schooling-specifically prenatal and infant massage-Hawaiian Lomi Lomi. Continue to educate myself in the holistic field, become a certified Montessori Teacher. Have a kid or two hopefully by 35 and MAYBE get married. I plan to move to Hawaii at some point too. That’s a big life goal.

IWAN: Whoa, whoa, slow down. First of all, what is your bachelor’s in, and why do you say you’re “finally” getting it?

Dezbaa: I started out at Amherst College in Fall 2000. I should have graduated May ‘04. Nearly ten years later after I started-I’ll be receiving a bachelors in Geology.

IWAN: Was this extended undergraduate experience intentional, or did you have to take time off for a drunken disorderly?

Dezbaa: Nope. At least not by me. Hahaha – I wish it were because of that. Nope, something more serious: I had a nervous breakdown a couple of weeks before classes ended Spring ’01-I left for a year and a half. In that time I went home to New Mexico and became certified in Massage Therapy at a local college.

IWAN: That’s intense – is your breakdown something you’d be comfortable with discussing?

Dezbaa: Sure.

IWAN: There’s usually a trigger or inciting incident for those episodes: what were the circumstances?

Dezbaa: I (stupidly) kept a relationship with a younger guy back home that was still in high school. I got to college, felt badly about myself etc. and cheated on him. Told him and then it became a back and forth battle of hurting each other. Only now have I realized that my emotions run so deep that I find it hard to preserve myself. I act out-like adult tantrums. I get very sad-ok let’s just call it depressed. And so in the Spring when I found that he’d been at some girls house. The pressure of being away from home, the pressure of trying to fit in amongst all these raging intellectuals and feeling unloved took its toll. I took a handful of ibuprofen. I just wanted out and to be away from the school so much. I think I ultimately wanted a way for me not to be in so much emotional pain.

IWAN: Sorry to hear that, sounds really rough. But clearly you’ve bounced back from all that.

Dezbaa: Yep, it’s been a slow ass process, but I’ve seen the changes I’ve made over the years. I feel like the Incredible Hulk sometimes. Just need to learn to guard against feeling so much.

IWAN: How does your work in massage therapy relate to all this?

Dezbaa: It keeps me from wallowing in self pity. I don’t focus on myself and I can focus on other people. I have a “calling” for helping others. I feel better about myself when I can be of service. A lot of the times I talk about myself. It’s not because I think I’m so majorly important. I just get “tired’ of myself and I’m trying to figure out how to make me be less stupid or annoying, etc. But sometimes it’s not worth it to keep analyzing. It’s best just to get over oneself and just DO. Massage helps me do that. I love to make people feel special and important. That’s what I WANT for myself for ME to feel special and important so I think I try to make sure I satisfied that need I think people want. Cause it’s true. I love to love people.

IWAN: Well, it’s safe to say massage is bigger than a skill set or a job for you! Where are you at with your massage studies currently?

Dezbaa: Well I need to study more. I have the GIST of the work. I have the touch and ability but really massage needs education. I don’t remember all the names of the muscles where they attach-what’s the origin and insertion points. I can’t give you a reason why your gall bladder meridian is all messed up and the ins and outs of the lymph system I kind of forget. But I’ve studied over a thousand hours, which includes both classroom and hands on work. I have a license in New York State and here in Massachusetts. I can pretty much get a license anywhere in the United States now because I’m Nationally Certified as a Massage Therapist.

All in a day's work.

IWAN: Congrats!

Dezbaa: Aw thanks!

IWAN: Will this be your career then? And if so, then why are you still going to for you BA?

Dezbaa: I’m still a little confused about that. Massage Therapy is who I AM. I CAN make a career out of it. It’s something I love to do, but I also need money. So I’ll try to find something that will give me more financial stability and do massage on the side until or if I decide I can/want to do massage full time. As for the BA, massage therapy is also a physical endeavor that involves my hands which can easily be injured from over use or in an accident. If I cant do massage anymore then what will I do without a degree? Also, like I said, financial stability, I think that it’ll help me at least apply for those jobs out of reach due to the requirement of a degree. I know that’s not necessarily how life goes. I think we all know that. Degree != job/career . But I’m also covering my bases. With the degree I can possibly get paid more when I become a Montessori Teacher (after I get certified).

IWAN: And what’s a Montessori Teacher for those in the peanut gallery?

Dezbaa: Maria Montessori is an Italian Doctor who developed a way of teaching children by not trying to control the child but the environment instead. This in turn helps to enhance or demonstrate/develop the child’s natural abilities and confidence. She studied children early on and how they naturally taught themselves about their world. Based on those observations she increased their capabilities where others thought children were not as capable as they’d previously thought. Kind of abstract. [read more about the school here]

IWAN: But fascinating nevertheless.

Dezbaa: Yeah. For instance, children naturally love to scribble. Creating curly cues on paper. Well instead of teaching children to PRINT. She taught children to write in cursive first, utilizing their natural abilities.

IWAN: Huh. Are Montessori schools fairly common? Can our readers find their local one online?

Dezbaa: Yep, they vary a little at each school. There are different associations that might emphasize different parts of her teachings but I think they generally try to uphold what she stood for.

IWAN: Have you taught or interned at one of these schools yet?

Dezbaa: No, that’s part of the program: you go to school and learn the fundamentals. demonstrate ability and then itern where you get observed.

IWAN: Definitely sounds rigorous to say the least.

Dezbaa: Yeah, my mom went through the program when I was around four years old. So I had a vague idea then because I was her guinea pig. But, she’s also taught me through out the years.

Dezbaa: The program she went through she had to create her own materials. And create binder after binder (2″) of the coursework she’d done and studied. materials being counting beads and word boxes (for phonetic sounding purposes…pictures of words)

IWAN: Again, very professional it seems.

Dezbaa: Yep.

IWAN: Speaking of professional, we gotta ask: Has one of your clients/patients ever…propositioned you?

No, you won't find Dezbaa promos here. Sorry.

Dezbaa: No thank GOD! (Well I mean friends have jokingly mentioned stuff but I lay down the law!!) But i did have a really sketchy old man be really creepy when i was in school.

I worked on him at the $5 donation clinic at the school on a weds or thursday. He said that he wanted me to work on him AGAIN on a saturday. I told him that that would be fine, figured that the practice would be good. I had a trailer at my church that they let me use to work on people.

But i told him that I couldnt work after 5pm and to call me earlier in the day if he still wanted it. Well he called me at like 5pm leaving me a message that he’d been outside working all day and was really tired and would like a massage at HIS place. I didnt return his call that weekend but when i went to school to get the advice of my teacher. I decided to call him back up and say that I just didnt feel comfortable working with him and that he can find work with someone else. I havent had any problems with anyone since then.

IWAN: Yeah, definitely a sketchy situation.

Dezbaa: I was proud of myself at 19 sticking up for myself against this older man. I know i’m cute, but DAMN don’t try to take advantage.

IWAN: Well, thank you for sharing all of your experiences with us! If anyone in Massachusetts is looking for a killer massage session from a spunky girl, where should they look?

Dezbaa: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Brookline-MA/50-Professional-Massage/98476679122?ref=nf. It’ll look more legitimate soon enough.

IWAN: Got a knot in your back, Cambridge boy? You know where to go.